How I learned to bend without breaking
- Snez
- Jul 25
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 31
Resilience isn’t something I was born with. It’s something I’ve had to build, one experience, one challenge, one setback at a time. Resilience isn’t about being unshakable. It’s about learning how to bend, not break and grow stronger from the experience.
There have been moments in my life and career where things didn’t just bend, they broke. I’ve faced professional disappointments, unexpected changes, and times of uncertainty where I wasn’t sure what the next right step looked like. I've faced moments where the pressure felt overwhelming, and where failure felt deeply personal. But I’ve learned and continue to learn how to approach these challenges through the lens of Applied Positive Psychology.
Grit has taught me more than talent ever could.
For a long time, I thought resilience meant being tough. Unshaken. Pushing through no matter what and powering on without flinching. But over time, I've learned that real grit isn't just about working hard, It's about staying committed to something meaningful, even when progress is slow, outcomes uncertain, and motivation isn't enough.
There have been times that I wanted to abandon projects halfway through. Moments when rejection stung deeper than I expected. Days when the vision was clear, but the path felt impossible. What’s carried me forward hasn’t been perfection or passion alone; it’s been persistence. It’s been the choice to show up again. And again.
Positive psychology calls this “grit". A mix of long-term passion and sustained effort. But what I’ve found is that grit is also deeply human. It’s quiet. It’s often invisible. It looks like bouncing back after a rough meeting. Starting again after failure. Recommitting to your ‘why’ after another curveball.
It’s also not something we build in isolation. Along the way, I’ve leaned on mentors, friends, and colleagues. I’ve had to practice self-compassion, not beating myself up for falling, but recognising that growth includes the fall. Real resilience is not always loud or heroic. Sometimes, it’s just the decision to get up one more time. To ask for help. To pause and regroup. To keep showing up, even when the path ahead feels unclear.
I’ve learned that resilience often starts with acceptance: accepting that we don’t control everything, that not all plans go as expected, and that failure isn’t the opposite of success, it’s a part of it.
Here are a few principles that have helped me build resilience in real, practical ways:
🔹 Growth Mindset (Carol Dweck) Instead of viewing setbacks as signs that I’m not “good enough,” I now try to see them as opportunities to learn. This small mental shift from “I failed” to “I’m learning” has made a huge difference in how I recover and grow.
🔹 Optimism (Martin Seligman) Not blind positivity but realistic, empowered thinking. When something goes wrong, I now ask: Is this permanent? Is it really personal? Often, the answer is no. Optimism helps me put failure in perspective and focus on what I can control.
🔹 Meaning and Purpose (Viktor Frankl & Positive Psychology 2.0) In tough times, reconnecting with why I do what I do brings clarity. Whether it’s serving others, creating impact, or staying aligned with my core values, purpose helps reframe pain as part of a larger journey.
🔹 Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff) This one took time to learn. I used to be hard on myself in the name of “accountability.” But I’ve learned that growth thrives in safe soil and that includes how we speak to ourselves. Now, when I stumble, I try to extend the same kindness I’d offer a friend.
Overall, Resilience looks like learning to adapt, to reframe setbacks as learning moments, and to find meaning in the discomfort. It’s in the ability to hold onto your values and vision even when external circumstances are changing. It’s in staying grounded, focused, and kind to others and to yourself when things feel shaky.
Looking back, the moments that tested me the most have also shaped me the most. They taught me patience, perspective, humility, and grit. And they reminded me that progress isn’t always linear, sometimes it’s messy, uncertain, and slower than we’d like. But that doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
If you’re going through a difficult time right now professionally or personally...
I just want to say that you’re not alone.
Keep going.
Take care of yourself.
You’re not behind.
You’re building strength you can’t always see in the moment.
Resilience is a muscle.
And every time you get back up, you’re strengthening it.
Check out the link below for some strategies.
And if you would like to connect, here is my LinkedIn
#Resilience #Leadership #GrowthMindset #CareerJourney #EmotionalIntelligence #SelfLeadership #MindsetMatters #PositivePsychology #Grit #SelfCompassion #MentalFitness #MeaningfulWork #CareerDevelopment #Motivation #LongGame
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